Homesick

This last weekend I was able to go back to Medford for the first time since being in Portland. In preparation for heading down I was dealing with a lot of emotions. Primarily I was worried that in going "home" I would come back and have to deal with homesickness all over again. I had been doing pretty good so far and really didn't want to break that cycle. But I was also super excited to sleep in my old bed, love on my sisters, see my parents and my one brother who is still home. It was so nice to go home and not worry about anything for a couple days. The last month and a half has been super amazing, I've been learning a lot at school, I love work and church is amazing, but one also is never fully prepared for living on your own till you experience for the first time. I knew I hadn't been sleeping very well since moving up here until Friday night, I wasn't even in Medford yet and my family was still traveling back to Oregon, it was just the anticipation of getting to relax that caused me to truly relax that night. It was so nice to sleep well. I also laughed more in the last three days then I have since I've been up here. Literally my stomach and sides are sore from how much I laughed, I also would just break into tears randomly. I can't even write this without crying, granted I'm a tad sleep deprived and jacked up on sugar and caffeine which doesn't help. Life works in  such a way that in order to chase your goals and dreams you have to give up something else. It's harder than all get out!

One thing that made the weekend so wonderful was how many people were at church that I knew and had been missing. Reconnecting with the community that I had built down there was so encouraging. It was also a joy to surprise them, I had always wanted to do that. :) I'm not even joking! :) I do promise to say something next time though. That sense of community is something I'm still building up here and have been missing more intensely then I had realized. Seriously if any of you are up this way I will move heaven and earth to see you, just say the word. I loved getting to spend so much time with everyone, I only wish I had had more time! It doesn't help that my love language is quality time.

It was such an amazing weekend, so much was learned, relationships were deepened, sisters were loved on, I received some much needed rest and love. Funny story, I have had a hard time transitioning to how quiet my house in Portland is. I was so used to falling asleep to the sound of TMTO hangouts, which if you don't know how loud a group of musical theater kids are you are missing out, and sleeping in a perfectly quiet house was part of my sleep problem. Well last night a small group came over after I had gone to bed, it might have been one person even I don't know, low and behold I had gotten used to a quiet house and almost asked them to be quiet! Then I realized what was going on and I laughed at myself and then cried.

To say that there were a billion emotions this weekend and continuing to haunt me today is an understatement. I know this is normal, but it's exhausting. Yes I am normally an emotional person, but this is more then normal and I am done. There are moments when I just want to be done feeling like I am going to burst into tears. But there has been so much good, so many successes. I am more motivated to push on, to see what the future holds. There is so much happening in my life that is wonderful, gloriously so, I just have to make it through this little-big moment.

Also my sisters grew!! Like a lot! Not cool! But they also have gotten funnier, seriously they had me laughing so hard I cried. Also my brothers haircut threw me into a laugh attack. Anyway, it was wonderful to see those of you that I got to see and I hope to catch the rest of you when I come down next.