In a fallen world torn by death and disease and destruction we are often faced with moments that seem to overwhelming to comprehend. This last year has seen the deaths of many people who were at the forefront of our society. People whom many of us grew up pretending to be. They gave us so much through their art, their lives and their talents. When someone close to us dies it creates a wound so deep, making it seem as though life cannot go on without them, and when it does there's an even harder dilemma of what to change and what to keep the same in our lives. There's a desire to keep everything absolutely as it had been with that loved one and at the same time a need to change everything. Sometimes this separation isn't caused by death, but by other causes that create rifts in relationships that will no longer be quite the same. This fear of being left alone, left behind, left out. In Luisa May Alcott's book Little Women describes this feeling well. I have included the scene below.
Stories help us with the difficult things in life. Help us deal with emotions that are overwhelming, giving us a safe place to sort them out. Whether the stories are told in film, book, art or music it doesn't matter. I think this is one of the reasons God gave us the ability to tell stories. It also makes it hard when a beloved storyteller dies. This year has seen the death of several actors/actress's and musicians. Watching the movies they worked on, listening to their final albums has become more meaningful.
Death is a scary thing. Scary because it's not natural. We were never created for such an end. Death is part of the curse that was brought on by our fall in the garden. It is meant to make us uneasy standing out as a stark reminder of what we have lost but also what we have to look forward to. None of us know when, where or how we each will die but it is not for us to know. With this uneasiness we should move forward with greater passion, a greater desire to serve God and each other, there is so much in our lives that we could do without that gets in the way of us loving each other the way we should.
2016 has been a rough year on many fronts, but I have a proposal for 2017. Let us use this fear of death to motivate us to live life to the fullest, to take those risks, to love those around us with the love of Jesus Christ. Regardless of what the future holds lets not let the enemy overwhelm us by the many defeats of the past. So here's to a prosperous new year!
This is a little late. I was hoping to get it out by Christmas day at least but sometimes our best intentions don't happen. But at least it can be a belated Christmas post right. :)
This Christmas season was a little different for me, mostly because it was the first time I was away for most of December, so I had to come up with a few traditions of my own, which was harder then I thought. Traditions are a lot more meaningful when you share them with others but I was able to come up with a few little things to do.
As I was pondering the Christmas story a lot over the last month I kept thinking about Mary and Joseph and what must have been going through their minds and hearts not only in the months leading up to Jesus's birth but throughout Jesus's life. Especially Joseph since we know a little bit more about Mary. How does one parent the Son of God? They must have had it pretty easy with Him, talk about a shock when the other kids came! I had watched a movie called Mary and Joseph which was ok as far as movies go, but it focused mostly on Joseph and his role as Jesus's earthly father. I still haven't thought all the way through that idea but it's definitely interesting to think about.
I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas and have a wonderful New Year!
Purpose is hard to come by. Sometimes it seems like everyone around you has found their purpose, discovered what it is that God wants them to be doing, except for yourself. That terrible feeling of being adrift at sea and not being able to fix it. But then all of a sudden you find that purpose, and life feels like its on fast forward. Things fall into place and it seems like everything you touch turns to gold. At least that was what it felt like for me and still does.
With this vision you go forward with everything you've got, preparing, learning, searching. Everything seems at this point to be going smoothly, till all of a sudden your strength in your desire is tested. There's that horrible moment when everything seems to be going wrong and you begin to wonder if what you want to do or what you are doing is the right the thing or if you should quite. I had a few weeks within the last few months when I thought that I should just stop, quite while I was ahead. But as I looked around at all the other options nothing jumped out at me as the one thing that I should do. The longer and harder I thought I realized that I was still right where God wants me.
Life is messy. I'm messy. You're probably messy too. That's what makes us human. It's no wonder the Dessert Fathers were such saints. When you eliminate the human factors you can really become godly and as saint like as you could imagine. That also kinda sounded appealing for a fraction of a second then I realized that I would have only myself for company and that did not sound like a good idea.
I am so thankful that God gave me that period to really test that what I was doing was from Him and that I wasn't just doing something that I wanted to do or that I thought He wanted me to do. He's given me a big task, one that He's still revealing to me, that I am super excited about, one that keeps developing and morphing and getting more big everyday. It's also terrifying. It wakes me up at night sometimes and causes a tad bit of anxiety. But it's a good anxiety, keeps me on my toes. I don't ever want to become complacent. I don't just serve people, I serve God through serving these people. Yes I still get tired, I still make mistakes, I'm human, but that's also not an excuse to not do my best, to strive to do my best in every situation. Remembering that I am still human and that I can't always to do the same quality work without taking care of myself is also important. I was trying to take care of everyone else, to please everyone else without realizing that I needed some time to allow for myself to rest or do what I needed to, which caused some of the questioning. Now I think I am better equipped to go forward. It's a hard balance especially when you're a people-pleaser like myself. Saying no is not my forte. But I am getting better at it. I think.
Here's to a new year, and many new experiences ahead! Here's hoping the rest of 2016 is mellow.
As I entered into this Christmas season I contemplated Christmases past in relation to what this season was going to be like. And as I thought I began to think about family traditions that happen in the weeks leading up to Christmas. Traditions like going to the Gingerbread Jubilee, or going out the boondocks to get a tree. Even the simple traditions of what music was playing in the background. And as I thought and as the season has gone on I realized that maybe, just maybe I should come up with a few traditions of my own for the weeks prior to Christmas. But then finals hit. And setting in motion any kind of Christmas traditions that didn't revolve around school didn't seem possible. I had to remind myself that the reason I am here is for school, and that I am indeed loving every minute of it (although if anyone has any tips on how to get more sleep during finals will always be a hero in my book.)
Finals are not over yet, but I have, I think, managed to set in motion at least one tradition. A tradition that is a throw back to my childhood. When my brothers and I would go to our grandparents house they had this 30 minute VHS that was about this little boy who built a snowman and they went on an amazing adventure to the North Pole. While there they meet Santa Clause and have a party with all the other snowmen. Upon returning home the boy goes to bed and when he wakes up his Snowman has melted. This last scene has always left me with a haunting feeling. The feeling that life changes even if we're not ready for that change. Change is good even though there are moments when it is hard for us to see the good. But what we will always have are the memories of times past and the memories that we are making now. Just before the Snowman takes the boy to the North Pole the music becomes intensely beautiful, giving you the feeling that something wonderful is about to happen. The Snowman walks out of the shed where he was just sitting in the deep freezer as though it where a hot tub, and proceeds to leave. The boy thinking that he is about to lose his friend looks forlorn, but then the boy decides to join him on his journey. And it's within that moment the boy embarks on an adventure of a lifetime!
This short movie is told entirely without words, just like the book it's based off of. The artwork is beautiful and the soundtrack is amazing. While doing some Christmas shopping the other day I found the most beautiful copy of the book. I had never seen the book before in my life but felt like I was holding a very close friend in my hands. Every time I'm around snow I wish I could make a snowman that looked just like this snowman. He's just so friendly looking, like he was meant to be a friend to every child, one who would stick with you through everything. I think that's why the ending gets me every time. That last picture of the boy looking at the melted remains of the Snowman is a reminder that nothing on this earth is forever, except for the promise that we have in Christ.
And yes I have watched the movie at least 4 times in the last few weeks and I watched it just before making my little snowman at the top of this post. :) I look forward to making the book more a part of this tradition now that I have a copy of it within my possession. Merry Christmas!!
I'm a little late but I got home and hit the books, finals started and so did the Christmas season. My question is who's brilliant thought it was to have Fall Finals during the Christmas season! To much to keep track of in one short amount of time.
Anyway Thanksgiving was great!!!
What a wonderful weekend spent with family and friends, good food and birthday celebrations. I had a hard time deciding whether to jump all the way in with socializing and wanting to just watch everyone, which is a true struggle y'all. To keep from rambling on and on I want to share some moments with you guys that made Thanksgiving so wonderful for me.
Moment #1 - Friday night I was watching The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe with my little sisters and just before Aslan allowed the witch to kill him I paused the movie to explain to the girls what was going to take place and as I'm explaining Anna bursts into tears, full on crocodile tears and sobbing and she asks me why he is going to let her do that and if the movie was going to have a happy ending or not. Aslan (played by Liam Nissan) had only been properly introduced minutes earlier and she was already so in love with him that she didn't want him to die. This was a great learning moment for both of us I think. It offered Anna the visual learning tool to see in our limited storytelling capabilities what Christ did for us on the cross. And for me it reiterated the immense amount of reasons that I'm the one who deserved to fie on that cross yet Christ selfless redeemed my life and let the wickedness of my own sin take Him there.
Moment #2: I absolutely loved getting to spend time with my family. Nothing makes you appreciate the noisiness and the people that make up your family. The silliness, the extremely late nights (or really early mornings depending on how you look at it) the catching up.
Moment #3: Esther and I did lot's of coloring together. I love to color and so does she so it's something that we do together and on our own.
There were so many more but I waited too long to write about them. Merry Christmas!!!
Sam: I know. It’s all wrong. By rights we shouldn’t even be here. But we are. It’s like in the great stories, Mr. Frodo. The ones that really mattered. Full of darkness and danger, they were. And sometimes you didn’t want to know the end. Because how could the end be happy? How could the world go back to the way it was when so much bad had happened? But in the end, it’s only a passing thing, this shadow. Even darkness must pass. A new day will come. And when the sun shines it will shine out the clearer. Those were the stories that stayed with you. That meant something, even if you were too small to understand why. But I think, Mr. Frodo, I do understand. I know now. Folk in those stories had lots of chances of turning back, only they didn’t. They kept going. Because they were holding on to something.
Frodo: What are we holding onto, Sam?
Sam: That there’s some good in this world, Mr. Frodo… and it’s worth fighting for.
Campfires, popcorn, a warm drink and a comfy blanket. Adventure, royalty, magic. From the comfort of our homes we are able to engage in the lives of people either fictional or real, and escape from the stress of our daily lives and for a moment be transported to Middle-earth, King Arthur’s England or fighting the Klingons with the crew of the Enterprise. Why do we need stories in our lives in their various forms? When mankind first began telling stories of great deeds, they were told orally, passed down from generation to generation. They told of the difference between right and wrong, of the heroics of great men and women, they were used to inspire values and to motivate the hearers. So often we get caught up in our own little world that we don’t take the time to enjoy these great works of art, old and new, book or movie. What made King Arthur so great? Why do we still read about him and make movies about his perilous ventures? And you see, stories are what pull us together and help us create community and identity with each other. In our fast paced, technology dominated culture, we must remember and realize our need for stories, in society, the effects it has on children, as a way to deal with our emotions, and the several mediums of storytelling.
Over the centuries we have accumulated a voluminous collection of Great Stories, as Tolkien called them,each gathering together those who identify with the characters and circumstances involved. As children we need stories to help develop as human beings, learning how we should interact with others, how to dream big and how to overcome the impossible. In an article on the Forbes website, author Steve Denning points that the reason why storytelling is so effective is due to its seemingly irrelevance to the rest of life. He says they are more effective than statistics, power-points, and other means of communication deemed more sophisticated then storytelling. Think back to the speech or lecture that has stuck with you the longest, it probably had a powerful story that meant something to you. Additionally the way we relate to stories effects how we relate to each other. While some stories seem unrealistic in their portrayal of society, they are the ones we remember and strive towards in our daly lives, helping us to deal with coworkers, governments and familial issues. Through a well told story we are able to retain information better and to grasp difficult concepts that would have otherwise alluded our understanding. When teaching history, each event sticks with students better when it is taught through the use of storytelling instead of the dry presentation of facts. Even some of the most effective speeches given in history used language that is generally pushed to the narrative genre, like Martin Luther King Jr’s I Dreamed a Dream speech.
This is the kind of language that inspires. Language that inspires children as well as adults. Which is why reading with children and babies is so important. Reading with babies and young children helps them develop language skills and increases their chances at academic success. Studies have been done that show that when kids are read to on a regular basis they have a better imagination and have a greater grasp of oral narrative. The habit of hearing beautiful tales of far away places allow children to hear language on a consistent basis and to hear the child’s primary language in its most beautiful form. Stories like Peter Rabbit and The Chronicles of Narnia are gorgeously written and inspire children to strive for greater aspirations. Teaching them that it is better to be kind than to be cruel, that love is greater than hate, and that humility is better than vanity. Reading also helps children to develop and deepen relationships, connecting the child with the adult who is reading to them. As far as the studies show at this point it is uncertain whether it is important who reads to the child; however the researchers hope to be discover if there is some connection between the reader and the hearer. Having stories to lean back on to navigate their way through their daily lives and allow them to be kids in a world that is desperately trying to take that away from them is vital.
This is also true for adults. Not only do they allow us to cope with daily stresses, providing us with hope that things will get better, but they provide us with a safe place to feel. Shannon Turlington points out in her blog that it is within the context and security of a story that we can explore new emotions and revisit old ones, allowing for healing and empathy to grow. Whether you are dealing with the lost of a loved one through death or a severed relationship a well timed story helps with the pain, bringing healing even if you don’t see it right away. As adults in a world that has so much pain and darkness, a person needs a well timed reminder that there is some good left in this world and it is worth fighting for.
Storytelling has had an interesting history. It started out as an oral tradition and transition to the hieroglyphics and later to the written word. Art and music are forms of storytelling as well. In today’s world of technology movies have taken their place among the ranks. Movies take the written and spoken word, music, and pictures and uses all the different mediums to tell a story in a way that would not be as effective in another form. Books develop your imagination and your language skills, in addition to the fantastic smell of a good old book.
Stories are important to every culture. King Arthur is an important part of English culture and society, the way the Cowboys inspire Americans, and how Homer’s Odyssey inspired the Greeks. Take time today and for every tomorrow to enjoy a good story, remembering that what makes the people in those stories so amazing is that they had every chance of turning back only they didn’t. That you too have that capability as well, it is not just the people in stories that are brave and strong. So pick up a book, put in a movie, listen to music and go look at art, and pay attention to what the storyteller is telling you.
Can I just say that I love my church and the intentionality of community that it fosters?! Ever since joining Door of Hope back in September I have been amazed every week by the hospitality and friendliness that they have exhibited. This weekend really proved how great the people are. I had texted a friend that I had made a few weeks ago and asked what she was doing this weekend, to which she replied that she was going to Astoria for a day trip with a group from church and if I wanted to go. I was able to go and was very happy with that choice.
The weather was beautiful for us all day, and the rainbow that presented itself for our enjoyment was equally gorgeous. It was such a blessing to spend the day out in God's creation with a great group of people. We found a great little coffee shop and spent about an hour or so there just fellowshipping and reading.
To finish off the day we went to a game night that included more people from church. I woke up this morning and tried to say something and my voice was sore and it took me a minute to realize why, it was because I hadn't laughed and talked so much in one day in a while.
Then there was church this morning. Two of the people I met yesterday were greeters and told me where the group was sitting and told me that there was plenty of space and I should sit with them, so I did. It was so nice to have a group to sit with, instead of wondering where to sit and sitting by myself. After church we all went to a Market/Bazaar type thing and looked around.
The sermon was also amazing this morning talking about the word Covenant and its Biblical meaning. It so good!!
The food, fellowship and fun had by all was nourishing to the soul. Its so nice to have community.
This last Tuesday I was home and the weather was freezing outside and it would occasionally pour torrentially. It was a good day to get some chores and other such tasks done and while doing so I was listening to U2's Songs of Innocence album and for some reason it really fit the day. But it has morphed into fitting the week. I'm not really sure why. It just has.
I also can't believe how quickly the holidays have arrived! How did Thanksgiving get here so fast? Wasn't it just Halloween? I am excited to see family that I haven't seen in forever and other family that I just saw ;)
Also if you haven't already Dr. Strange is a great movie, and ya'll should go see it. Benedict Cumberbatch was amazing, as usual. At first I was worried that it would be the usual part that he gets cast as, but it was surprisingly different. It was similar enough that you get the Benedict Cumberbatch that we have all gotten used to but different enough that he was able to have fun with it.
I know, I know, I'm only 24, I have my whole life ahead of me, plenty of time to find the "right one", my knight in shining armor. In high school for some reason the fact that I had never dated, didn't seem to bother me. I was waiting for the right guy, waiting because there was no one that I would even consider dating, not right then at least. Then I graduated high school and friends started getting married and still my knight had not come. Mind you I wasn't expecting perfection, nobody's perfect, I was and still am very aware of my own faults. I enjoyed the friendships I had with guys, but they just weren't the one if you follow, not dating material if you will. Yes I've had crushes, most girls do, so I'm told, but it's been several years since that happened. Over the last week or so my heart has learned to feel again. Some of the feels took me off guard, I either forgot they were a thing or just didn't know one could feel that way.
Now, don't get me wrong, I trust God whole heartedly with every single aspect of my life, and that includes any kind of relationship no matter what. Being human there are moments when I want to take the reins and yet I've discovered that when you simply trust Him, He blesses you in the most unexpected ways.
This last year has been filled with lot's of those little (they seem little but their catastrophic) blessings. Last summer(2015), I was blessed with the opportunity to intern with an amazing organization in Virginia. That was an opportunity and adventure that I will always cherish. That Fall I started school at a Bible College back in Oregon. School wasn't the only change in my life at that point. Through some other changes I started dealing with what felt like pretty intense loneliness. I look back now and thank God profusely for having me be in Bible College during that time and for the fact that I had to be in His word daily due to homework. My love for Him has grown so deep, deeper then I thought possible. He was doing a work in me that needed to be done. Prior to this last year I was constantly pining to be in a relationship, to be done with being the odd man out, the professional third wheel.
Within the last few weeks, maybe even a few months ago I was able to feel content in this season of singleness, and then He gave me purpose. Just about the time I reached these places together, I was at church, and I just got the feeling that I was loved, truly loved. Like the kind I assume one feels when there is a significant other. But I was still very single at that point. The right guy just wasn't there yet. Needless to say I don't really know what the sermon was about that Sunday I was a tad bit distracted. The feeling lasted for the whole service and then ended right when church ended. It was the strangest experience. I couldn't stop thinking about it. Part of me thinks that God was slowly, or quickly, tearing down the walls I had built, behind which I had sealed all those feelings of being worthy of that kind of love. I had gotten to the point of surrender. Surrender because I felt like being single with out ever being asked out just once in my life I somehow wasn't worth anyone's time. Friends told me that wasn't true, but there just wasn't anything to back up what they were saying.
Yes it is hard to wait when it feels like all those around me have at one point enjoyed a relationship, whether that meant being made aware that a guy was interested enough in them to let them know in some way, or even if they had recently broken up. They had experienced something that I never had. It's hard to remember as Amy from Little Women put it, "You don't need scores of suitors. You just need one. If he's the right one." But never doubt for a minute that you my dear are worth it. Despite all the feelings to the contrary, you are worth it. Yes it's hard. Beware of the ever present pity party waiting to happen, simmering below the surface as you watch yet another friend enter a relationship or get married or have kids. Don't only try to be happy for them, be happy for them and find the joy in the season of life you're in.
I know, it's hard. Trust me, I know. It's hard at every age. And I think for women who want to have kids there's that extra worry that time is running out.
This election year I didn't vote. I know, it's my right and privilege as an American citizen to speak up for my values by voting, I forgot that when a person moves they have to re-register to vote, and by the time I realized my mistake it was too late. I'm not sure I could've made a decision anyway this year. It was quite the year. For many reasons I am glad the elections are finally over. I have never enjoyed election year to be honest, I know we need them, and that our country is uniquely great for the way its system works, but my personality can't take the stress of Election year. And like the commercialization of the holidays it seems like it starts earlier and earlier every time.
Sadly there are some unique repercussions from lasts nights decision. This post is not in any way me looking for political debate or my view on our new President or either candidate. It is simply an observation in how this election year seems to have wreaked havoc on the relationships that make up our daily lives and how that is what terrifies me the most about the next four years. I understand, politics like religion, finances and food is a very personal aspect of who we are as people and particularly as Americans. However we have failed the test this time my friends. The test being how we treat each other, which in my opinion is way more important than who sits in the Oval Office, and here's why.
After the events and outcomes of last night I couldn't help but notice the cruelty and seditiousness that we are treating each other with. And it's not just among those who only talk to each other on Facebook with no outside relationship, but among family members, which should not be tolerated. There is a difference between friendly and legitimate debate, but over the last two and a half years Americans in general, not all of them, but a lot of them, have become the very beast that they are claiming to be arguing against. I have watched family tear each other apart over Facebook and feel completely justified in doing so. THIS IS NOT ALRIGHT!!!!!!! I personally don't care who anyone supports, I may not agree with you but I WILL NOT tear you apart over it. My relationship with you is more important that who is stinking elected. You. YOU. You are more important. The person next to you is more important. The person on Facebook whom you disagree with IS MORE IMPORTANT then who gets elected. I am not saying that the person who gets elected isn't important either, they are, like you, important. What I am saying is that in the end the candidate who gets elected, by the system that we all agree to work with, is not as important as the people who make up the fabric of who you are and your daily lives.
The same thing applies for those who aren't family members, but friends and colleagues have been tearing into each other as if all the years of friendship have no bearing in this moment. This is wrong. If people are worried about the nation going south because of this election, the first step they can take towards making sure that doesn't happen is kindness.
Yes for some, it may seem like the end of the nation as we know it. And for others there is a great rebirth of our nation glittering ahead of us. But in your rejoicings or mourning's please, please, PLEASE remember that the people who disagree with you are real people made in the image of our Lord and King Jesus Christ, who is the Supreme Ruler of all the nations regardless of who is in power. DO NOT burn the bridges between you and those who care about you. The elections are not worth that kind of loss.
I agree with Sam from the Lord of the Rings. We have to hold onto the things that are good, there is still good in this country and it's worth fighting for. The Founding Fathers thought so, Martin Luther King Jr thought so, I think so, I'm pretty sure you do. And those of us who would be called Christians, followers of Christ, or quite literally "little Christs" have got to step up our game. We have been some of the worst this year on this front. Honestly I don't care what your politics are, but if you can't treat someone else the way Christ wants and commands you to treat them regardless of their politics, you have some serious heart searching to do.
Don't get me wrong, I am totally ok with good spirited debate, knock yourself out, but before you enter into it, make sure you have a working understanding of good debate form, steer clear of logical fallacies, check your facts and on no uncertain terms should you attack the person with whom you are debating. It's not ethical or kind. And certainly doesn't make your point more valid. We are all adults who are voting, we should be able to act like it.
Let's make it a challenge from here on out to change this sad trend and start treating each other with the love and respect we all deserve.
Have courage and be kind.
Frodo: I can’t do this, Sam.
Sam: I know. It’s all wrong. By rights we shouldn’t even be here. But we are. It’s like in the great stories, Mr. Frodo. The ones that really mattered. Full of darkness and danger, they were. And sometimes you didn’t want to know the end. Because how could the end be happy? How could the world go back to the way it was when so much bad had happened? But in the end, it’s only a passing thing, this shadow. Even darkness must pass. A new day will come. And when the sun shines it will shine out the clearer. Those were the stories that stayed with you. That meant something, even if you were too small to understand why. But I think, Mr. Frodo, I do understand. I know now. Folk in those stories had lots of chances of turning back, only they didn’t. They kept going. Because they were holding on to something.
Frodo: What are we holding onto, Sam?
Sam: That there’s some good in this world, Mr. Frodo… and it’s worth fighting for.
I don't even know what I was looking for the other day but for some reason my search lead me to looking on my student profile for Pacific Bible College (PBC). Because I have graduated there was no "Register for Next Term Here" buttons, no active classes showing, no homework reminders. I almost cried! What used to be so active and bustling and stress causing, was so cold feeling. Like going back to an old childhood haunt after years of being away, all the wonderful memories and hours spent there are beautifully preserved, but something is missing and you can't put your finger on it. Only in this case its only been two months. The year I spent at PBC was absolutely amazing! A year that I will always cherish. I learned so much and grew so much in that one year, preparing myself for not only the future but for the season that I am currently in. Portland Community College (PCC) is a good school also, and I am really enjoying the program I'm in, just also gigantic (at least it feels so to me) and has a different culture then PBC. (And no I didn't choose my schools for their acronyms on purpose, it was a complete and utter accident, one that confuses me all the time.)
It was sometime after my search for who knows what anymore, I received a care package! That did make me cry. But they were tears of joy (for once). I haven't received very much mail up here and so to have this surprise show up after a very long week was really nice. (I think I can count the junk mail I've gotten on two hands and I know I can count the fun mail on one. The Fun mail is the only mail that I hold onto ;) ) I always like fun mail, it brings a little bit of sunshine.
And for the costume, well I'm wearing my favorite hoody for Halloween today. That's it. Well, that's it as far as my costume planning went. But to redeem myself, I included a picture of when the other interns and I from Joni and Friends Cause for Life internship East Coast dressed up as farm animals. We did pretty good if I say so myself. We had two cows, two pigs, a sheep, a mouse, a duck and of course a Farmer. And we did it all on a budget and away from home. And just to clarify, we didn't run around D. C. as farm animals, it was part of a competition that was happening where we were serving. It is a memory I will always hold onto. PSA those plastic table cloths can get a tad toasty.
This was basically my weekend, all of these various things and lot's of work. Quiet, long, lot's of work. By the time Sunday hit I was exhausted. Stay safe tonight peeps. It's a wild world out there. HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!
Today I was watching this movie with a kiddo that I work for, and for some reason this scene really stuck with me. Made me a tad teary. Seems like it doesn't take much to do that recently though. But it's always good to remember that our Heavenly Father lives in us. Remember who you are in Him.
Taylor Swift's Wildest Dreams came on just as I noticed the heater making my room cozy. My little fan is moving air around, because my house is so airtight that I get a little claustrophobic without some kind of movement in the air. I miss being able to smell the outside wind.
All of this while giving my room a good clean, which is causing me to see items that I brought from home that I haven't looked at since being in Portland. Last week all of this would've elicited tears, profuse tears. I am still dealing with all the emotions, but they're not as raw as they were last week. But now I have a new paradigm.
I was in Medford over a weekend, went to church down there and had the immense blessing of reconnecting with so many people that I love and who love me. Little did I realize how much I was missed there. Which made it harder to come back. But when the next Sunday rolled around I was so happy to meet with the body of believers at Door of Hope!! I had missed getting to see them as well.
Which caused a whole new set of emotions. Growing as a person is always double sided. One side is the grieving process, grieving what you are letting go of, the comfort and support that you had in the old season. The other side is exploring the new season, moving forward, setting up new supports, making new friends, learning a new surrounding.
And yes those sounds and smells triggered this thought process. Did you know that your sense of smell is connected to your memory center in your brain? Just a fun fact, in case you need it.
So yes, I'm in a strange limbo, where I am calling two places home, and have to include an explanation of which of one I am talking about. I'm sure that it'll continue getting easier. I'm so excited about what I'm learning, and what I am doing, and I'm glad that Medford is so close.
God said to Noah, "this is the sign of the covenant that I have established between me and and all the flesh that is on the earth."
Genesis 9:17
As I was running to my car to get my math stuff this evening this rainbow caught my attention and everyone else's on campus, creating a "I don't mind if I'm late to class" kind of moment. It was a full rainbow and it was so bright, almost demanding everyone's attention. We all were taking pictures of it, none of us wanted to head indoors, it was spectacular. I can't remember the last time I saw a whole rainbow, let alone one so bright as this, I wish my camera did it justice. Portland is definitely showing off it's beauty this season. I don't think I could have picked a prettier place to live.
I went exploring today with a friend from church today. We went to the Rose Garden, which was the most beautiful spot I have ever seen!!! It was like stepping into the Secret Garden, or a Jane Austen book or Victoria's England. We also went over to the Pettlock Mansion which afforded the most spectacular view of Mt. Hood and all of Portland. I wish I could've gotten a good enough picture of the view to share, but my camera wasn't good enough, but take my word for it, it was beautiful.
The weather was so perfect for such exploring. Walking through the Rose Garden I thought of the line from the Secret Garden when Dickon tells Mary that there will be "curtains of roses."
Now I am ready for a nap, I accidentally stayed up too late last night. Instead I'm eating popcorn and watching the 2015 Cinderella. It's been pretty cold up here so I'm surprised there were as many roses left as there were.
Widow Tweed: We met, it seems, such a short time ago You looked at me - needing me so Yet from your sadness Our happiness grew And I found out I needed you too I remember how we used to play
I recall those rainy days The fire's glow That kept us warm And now I find - we're both alone
Goodbye may seem forever Farewell is like the end But in my heart is a memory And there you'll always be
Chorus: Goodbye may seem forever Farewell is like the end But in my heart is a memory And there you'll always be
After crying for the last two days, I have found a rest from the tears. Today I have had such a profound sense of peace, and the only thing bothering me is that my eyes are sore from all the water. Thank you to all who have been praying. I had a great conversation with some of the ladies in my small group last night, after I admitted that I was dealing with some homesickness she asked if I still thought my decision to move up here was a good one. If she had asked me last Wednesday I probably would've said maybe. But in the midst of missing home and all the people I have left, I was able to confidentially say yes. Yes I think that moving here was a good idea, it is moving me towards the goals, hopes and dreams. It's just been hard starting over, the goodbyes feel like forever, even though I know that they're not. Aside from roommates, who all have busy lives, I don't have friends that I can go hang out with, someone whom I can call up and make last minute evening plans with. I know that will come with time, but it doesn't help with the now.
This video clip described how I felt the last few days, and possibly the last several weeks subconsciously. There is light at the end of the tunnel. I'm not giving up just yet. :)
This last weekend I was able to go back to Medford for the first time since being in Portland. In preparation for heading down I was dealing with a lot of emotions. Primarily I was worried that in going "home" I would come back and have to deal with homesickness all over again. I had been doing pretty good so far and really didn't want to break that cycle. But I was also super excited to sleep in my old bed, love on my sisters, see my parents and my one brother who is still home. It was so nice to go home and not worry about anything for a couple days. The last month and a half has been super amazing, I've been learning a lot at school, I love work and church is amazing, but one also is never fully prepared for living on your own till you experience for the first time. I knew I hadn't been sleeping very well since moving up here until Friday night, I wasn't even in Medford yet and my family was still traveling back to Oregon, it was just the anticipation of getting to relax that caused me to truly relax that night. It was so nice to sleep well. I also laughed more in the last three days then I have since I've been up here. Literally my stomach and sides are sore from how much I laughed, I also would just break into tears randomly. I can't even write this without crying, granted I'm a tad sleep deprived and jacked up on sugar and caffeine which doesn't help. Life works in such a way that in order to chase your goals and dreams you have to give up something else. It's harder than all get out!
One thing that made the weekend so wonderful was how many people were at church that I knew and had been missing. Reconnecting with the community that I had built down there was so encouraging. It was also a joy to surprise them, I had always wanted to do that. :) I'm not even joking! :) I do promise to say something next time though. That sense of community is something I'm still building up here and have been missing more intensely then I had realized. Seriously if any of you are up this way I will move heaven and earth to see you, just say the word. I loved getting to spend so much time with everyone, I only wish I had had more time! It doesn't help that my love language is quality time.
It was such an amazing weekend, so much was learned, relationships were deepened, sisters were loved on, I received some much needed rest and love. Funny story, I have had a hard time transitioning to how quiet my house in Portland is. I was so used to falling asleep to the sound of TMTO hangouts, which if you don't know how loud a group of musical theater kids are you are missing out, and sleeping in a perfectly quiet house was part of my sleep problem. Well last night a small group came over after I had gone to bed, it might have been one person even I don't know, low and behold I had gotten used to a quiet house and almost asked them to be quiet! Then I realized what was going on and I laughed at myself and then cried.
To say that there were a billion emotions this weekend and continuing to haunt me today is an understatement. I know this is normal, but it's exhausting. Yes I am normally an emotional person, but this is more then normal and I am done. There are moments when I just want to be done feeling like I am going to burst into tears. But there has been so much good, so many successes. I am more motivated to push on, to see what the future holds. There is so much happening in my life that is wonderful, gloriously so, I just have to make it through this little-big moment.
Also my sisters grew!! Like a lot! Not cool! But they also have gotten funnier, seriously they had me laughing so hard I cried. Also my brothers haircut threw me into a laugh attack. Anyway, it was wonderful to see those of you that I got to see and I hope to catch the rest of you when I come down next.
So yes... I'm going to post again about Star Trek Beyond, because, well, I can't help it :) I should be working on homework but I can't get this great movie off my mind. Over the last year I have watched all the Star Trek series except one and all the reboots. Maybe a little obsessively, but there was a certain draw to them besides my love for space, my desire to someday explore the final frontier and some of the best writing for TV I have yet to enjoy besides "Call the Midwife" and "Downtown Abbey." This something or maybe better put somethings plural, was the community, teamwork and friendships that are portrayed in the Star Trek universe. Series after series started out with a crew that had nothing in common, except that they were in starfleet. Yet by the middle of the first season they were a team, and by the end of that first season they were starting to establish friendships, and then they were a thriving community by the end. Yes there were conflicts amongst the crew members, but that's life. By the end of every series I would cry through the last episode for sure and maybe the second to last one as well ;/ Star Trek Beyond captured that very same feeling in just over 2 hours. There's one seen with Spock and Bones where literally I was laughing and crying so hard. Laughing because the dynamics between those 2 is just so wonderful and perfectly timed and captured, but crying because the emotion that was packed into the scene was perfectly intense. Kudos to Karl Urban and Zachary Quinto for an excellent performance. Anyway. Have a great rest of your summer. Live long and prosper. #startrek#startrekbeyond#bones#imadoctornotanegineer#spock#livelongandprosper#zacharyquinto#leonardnemoy#karlurban#deforrestkelley#icantgetenoughstartrekinmylife#whowillgowithmetospace#mysenseofadventureisstrongandgrowing
Well by now I have watched all of the Star Trek series and all the movies except for 4 of them. Yes I love Star Trek and what I said in the above Facebook post.
When we are children, we live off stories. We want to take part in the journey to destroy the ring with Frodo and the Fellowship, go to Narnia with the Pevensys, take flight with Han Solo and Chewbacca, and explore the Final Frontier with the crew of the Enterprise. As we get older we tend to loose sight of what makes stories such a vital part of our day. They're not just important to keep us young, but to help us even if it's for a moment to step into another's world and see things through their eyes. Too often we think they're a child's thing, but in reality we need what they have to offer just as much. We can still learn life lessons, how to be empathetic. They allow us to see how the world could be, how we could be.
When I was a kid, my friends and brothers and I would pretend we were Jedi fighting for Middle-earth blissfully unaware of how difficult it is to meld those two story lines together, but we entered those worlds simultaneously loving every second of it. I still have my lightsaber, it's scuffed up, well used, it saved me in many a dual, was my trusty companion for years. I wanted to have hobbit feet, I was tired of the hassle of shoes, and envied my literary companions their good luck.
Stories shape a child's outlook, how they play, what interests them. Written stories as well as those on the big screen. Growing up the rule was always, if there is a book to the movie, you read the book first, then you can watch the movie. A rule like this creates a deeper dimension to the story that just enjoying one medium that any story is told through is capable of portraying. To be effective it had to be relatable, connecting with the reader or viewer, giving them some legitimate reason why they should stick around. When finished it should leave you with that feeling that you have lost a good friend.
Today I went and saw the new Pete's Dragon in theater, in between classes, and I cried. Through the whole thing. Not even kidding. Don't worry I won't give anything away, there's power in experiencing a story for the first time, that includes remakes. It starts out hitting you with some intense emotions, then gives you a little bit of a break, pulling out a few tears hear and there, then WHAM! right in the middle started the onslaught of feels. I could not stop crying. The screenwriters were kind enough to let me come up for air a few times, but they weren't big swallows, just enough. I will allow that I was feeling a tad bit emotional before starting the movie, and had already cried outside of the movie, so it could've been that the movie was the icing on the cake. I was just just glad I was in that theater by myself. It was almost as bad as my viewings of War Horse, that is a story for another time. What I loved most was how Elliott took care of Pete. He was a true friend, making sure that Pete knew he was loved, that he had worth and that his voice counted for something. And to top of this undivided care and love for Pete, Elliot extended the same love to the other children, giving them the not so quite gift of undivided attention, letting them know that they are valuable. He even extended that gift to the adults who were willing to receive that gift and pay it forward. Included in this fierce love of his was this desire to protect those whom he loved with his life.
Having the whole theater to myself I was able to interact with the film in the moment. I was cheering characters on, telling them when what they were doing was a bad idea, and flinching when bad things happened, and verbally, not just in my head. Yes I cry a lot, but there are very few people whom I will let see a full on cry, which usually entails of all the tears and then some in my tear ducts, which causes my nose to start profusely running and with all this liquid coming out of my face my face to get bright red. I will rewatch a movie so that I can get this and of cry out, cause yes it's therapeutic. With the theater to myself I felt ok with letting the tears and the sounds out.
Elliott was like a giant, green, cow, dog, and cat with wings. His eyes had a depth that went on forever. He was whole-heartedly in the moment, playful, loving, and loyal to a fault. And still had that wild mystery about him that kept you wondering like Lucy of Aslan, "Is he safe?"
One of my favorite violinists made it on the soundtrack for the movie, and the words really caught my ear. The words hit home because they brought home the feeling that not only children feel and express, but that adults feel just as acutely but have a harder time dealing with. I included the lyrics and the video so that you could listen and benefit from it.
You had your maps drawn You had other plans To hang your hopes on Every road they let you down felt so wrong So you found another way
You've got a big heart The way you see the world It got you this far You might have some bruises And a few of scars But you know you're gonna be okay
And even though you're scared You're stronger than you know
If you're lost out where the lights are blinding Caught in all, the stars are hiding That's when something wild calls you home, home If you face the fear that keeps you frozen Chase the sky into the ocean That's when something wild calls you home, home
Sometimes the past can Make the ground benneath you feel like a quicksand You don't have to worry You reach for my hand Yeah I know you're gonna be okay You're gonna be okay
And even if you're scared You're stronger than you know
If you're lost out where the lights are blinding Caught in all, the stars are hiding That's when something wild calls you home, home If you face the fear that keeps you frozen Chase the sky into the ocean That's when something wild calls you home, home
Calls you home
Calls you home
Calls you home
Calls you home
If you're lost out where the lights are blinding
Caught in all, the stars are hiding That's when something wild calls you home
If you're lost out where the lights are blinding Caught in all, the stars are hiding That's when something wild calls you home, home If you face the fear that keeps you frozen Chase the sky into the ocean That's when something wild calls you home, home
Stories draw us together, giving us that unique connection that few things do. They tug at our hearts, sometimes for reasons we don't quite understand yet, but someday they will come to mind and give us strength. They can inspire us to do things that are bigger then ourselves, knowing that the "folk in those stories had every opportunity of turning back, only they didn't, they kept going, cause they were holding onto something," (Samwise Gamgee)
